Today, in honor of the Full Moon with the Sun in Virgo and the Moon in Pisces, I’m happy to share a piece by a regular reader and client, Natalie. Natalie writes with honesty and wit about the dark side of Virgo, the side the astrology books usually don’t address. See if you recognize yourself in Natalie’s ”Psycho-Virgo.” [I’ve added a few definitions in brackets.]
From the life of a Virgo …
The words describing Virgo in astrological texts are usually words like conservative, service, pure, cleanliness, organizational, analytical, practical, critical and logical.
All excellent and true, but so dull!
Living with the myth of Virgo is like living in the shadow of an older sister who does all the right things.
Super-Virgo never forgets anything, has an immaculate home and is organized in everything, has perfect nails and hair, and always wears the right clothes for the right occasion, always knows what people should do to make their lives better. Super-Virgo is what every Virgo secretly dreams of being.
I’m not that Virgo.
I always felt I should be. I have four planets and the MC [Midheaven, top of the chart] in Virgo, and I have a strong Mercury [ruler of Virgo.] I was fourteen when I discovered astrology, and I found those descriptions of Virgo very depressing. There was always this emphasis on perfection and logic. Virgos were supposed to make order out of chaos. Who could live up to that?
My older Scorpio sister with a Virgo ascendant (an accountant, by the way), fit the description so much better with her colour-coordinated notebooks and homework that she never forgot and that always looked, well, perfect. Her room was tidy, her clothes neatly folded in the cupboard, and she would cook sensible food. She would even iron her shirts and jeans.
My room was beyond control. I could never remember anything and would always spill toothpaste on my clean and wrinkled shirt. Still do … My favourite meal was sweetcorn and spagetti, covered in melted butter, and my dog ate my homework on a regular basis.
The image of Virgo haunted me. Why wasn’t I like that? Why would I always spill things, forget things, ignore things – avoid things? A real Virgo shouldn’t be like that. A real Virgo should be proper and prim, and wear navy-blue, sensible, yet elegant, outfits, and eat healthy food, and go around correcting things: like people, the world, grammatical errors – clean and proper. Super-Virgo, right?
For years I blamed my chaotic and self-indulgent nature on a very strong natal Jupiter, but further studies revealed huge cracks in the Super-Virgo image.
I read about another kind of Virgo, and almost fell off my chair. Finally someone who revealed the shadow side! This Virgo digs in the garden without gloves, buys mens shoes because they are more comfortable, and forgets to clean the house until grass grows through the floor. She couldn’t care less about appearances, or being of service, or taking care of people all the time.
She is the shadow. And if you’re striving to become Super-Virgo, she’s the one that shows up when you think you fail.
There is a lot written about the shadow side of signs, Scorpio is popular in that sense. But rarely does anyone mention the shadow side of Virgo. But it’s there.
Psycho-Virgo is what happens to me when the need to organize and fix things gets out of hand. That’s when I start alphabetizing everything, including my socks. When analyzing becomes obsessive. When I criticize people, despite threats of bodily harm. When self-doubt becomes so paralyzing I don’t even try. When self-indulgence rules the day. When I start to pick lint off people’s sweaters, and wipe small children’s noses. Or when I start to lecture people for no good reason.
I know everything there is about nutrition, healthy food and vitamins – I really do – but give me a choice between a green salad and a chocolate donut, and I’ll take the donut everytime. I will also, while I’m eating it, tell you why the salad is good for you. Then I’ll eat another donut.
For me Psycho-Virgo shows up with stress and worry. I’m great at details, and very often get lost in the woods. Seeing the big picture is hard. It means I have to take a leap of faith and trust that everything will work out fine. That’s almost impossible for a Virgo. The logic and practical side is so strong, faith is hard.
When I sit with my lap full of loose ends, the worrying starts. Psycho-Virgo takes over and the over-eating, the nail-biting and self-doubt shows up. It’s not nice.
When that happens, organizing my sock-drawer or cleaning out the attic usually helps. It grounds me.
I’m not a school-teacher. I’d be terrible at it. I make my living as a writer. It’s a good job for this Virgo. I can do all the research I want, I work alone so I can fail without anyone seeing me, and I get to correct grammar to my heart’s delight. My office is a mess, but I have no problem letting it be that way. Because I know that if I start cleaning and tidying up, I’ll never get any writing done – and also I’ll get bored out of my mind.
When I trust myself and don’t worry about my world falling to pieces because I forgot to pay the phonebill again, I’m fine. When I don’t worry about writing something perfect, but just do it before my courage fails me, I’m fine. When I enjoy the process instead of obsessing about the outcome, I’m fine too.
But to do that, I have to always make an effort not to let Psycho-Virgo take the lead. I have to allow myself to take a leap of faith.
And I’m fine with that now. I really am … I just have to prepare myself for it some more.
To read more about Virgo in business, see these posts:
For an overview of the week, see the Astro4Business Weekly Forecast – Aug 23 – 29
For an overview of the month, see the Astro4Business Month Ahead – August 2010
Do you have a question for Ellen? See the “Work with Ellen” tab at the top of this site for my Straight to the Point Response service.